september third twenty twenty four
hi welcome to my blog :) this entry covers the full moon in capricorn until the morning after the new moon in virgo. im writing and editing this on my ipad at the tampa international airport. i really should invest in a laptop, it would make my life a lot easier. i'm attaching a couple songs ive liked this moon cycle to this entry, at the bottom under the journals. check it out if you want or dont, i dont take music super seriously but i seriously enjoy it.9.3.24
Sitting outside at 6:15 am smoking a joint. It's still dark out, might as well be night. I see Aldebaran in the night sky. I think it's Mars so I check starwalk. I read about Aldebaran online on some various websites.
While I'm sitting outside I hear some shuffling. I assume it is an animal of some sort. Turns out it's not. An old man is wearing a wifebeater tank top and purple striped boxers, and pink slip on slippers. He's shuffling backwards in the dark, very slowly, illuminated by the haunting orange glow of the streetlights. I don't move. Eventually he sees me and stares through me. An unnerving look that I am unfortunately all too familiar with, as if I'm the ghost in the night.
"Mornin!" I say, with a gentle wave of my hand. I am answered with silence, and the unwavering stare. He continues to shuffle backwards out of view behind the next house, without breaking his gaze. Once he's gone I rush inside and lock the door. I tell my gramma about it when she gets back from the bank, she seems unfazed.
9.2.24
I lied, I do have something to say.
I go home tomorrow. Today, I go down to the boat launch with my gramma to watch the sunset. She sits in the car, I stand along the railing that keeps me from falling off the concrete wall into the ocean. I watch tiny, skinny little blue sticks of fish come to the surface every now and then. The water is brown, it looks thick with disturbed silt. It is cloudy in the sky. The clouds are big, dark grey, reflecting some orange of the sun. They craw across Florida's vast sky. You can really see a storm coming here.
I can't see the sun until right as it crests the horizon tonight, the bright red and pink illuminating the clouds from behind. Every sunset is beautiful to me, everyone is different, and I never know what it will bring until I get there.
It takes a while for the storm to roll in. I play cribbage with my gramma, and then go out for a smoke. It is muggy, but cool. The clouds have formed into a thick, sickly, electric yellow blanket as the storm covers us. The wind whips around the car park. The rain starts, accompanied by the loud, constant roll of thunder that I have enjoyed hearing here. The power of Jupiter. As I write this, a very bright flash happens out of the corner of my eye, followed by a sharp crackling boom. The wind dies down. Then it begins to DOWNPOUR.
9.1.24
Tomorrow is the Virgo new moon. I was born on the Virgo new moon, when the moon was at 11 degrees, so I guess this is my birthday. I imagine I won't have much to say. I have made a dedicated effort to come up with things to write for this the last month, and I'm glad I did, as I haven't been able to accomplish much of anything lately. While I edit this entry for publication, I'm finding that I don't really remember anything I wrote about.
I went to play bingo with my gramma at the VFW today. We didn't win. It was fun, though. I'm jealous of the old people and their clubhouses. It seems like a lot of fun to have an activity to do and be around a bunch of people who are there because they also are open to socializing and like the same activities as you. I don't think there are any rules against young people joining these types of establishments (although I am not a Veteran so maybe I wouldn't join the VFW), but I was definitely the youngest person there by a few decades. Next youngest was maybe in her mid 40s and it seemed like she was with her dad. Maybe in a few years I'll become the youngest guy at the local Lions club or something. I've always dreamt of being a Freemason but I'm not sure they induct people of my creed, plus I think I would prefer a co ed experience.
The VFW in Florida has slot machines. I'd never played one before. Everything in Florida has slot machines. The airport has slot machines. There are special, underground, need to know basis casino rooms. On our way out my gramma asks if the slots are for members only. They're not. She shows me the ropes. I get it, I enjoyed it, but I did NOT want to spend all my money (my gramma gave me 20$). I was encouraged by all the other people around me, who were impressively intoxicated for 3 pm, to play until I double the money I started with, or I run out. I will let you guess, dear reader, what happened.
8.30.24
Today I add ruddy turnstones and yellow crowned night heron to my life list. I also see 7 wood storks, standing on the sidewalk by a storm water pond. Then, I go to the beach to watch the sunset. The sunset is obscured by storm clouds, making it cast beautiful orange, pink, and lilac hues across the sky for much longer than beside a clear day. I stand with my feet in the water, not too deep cus I'm not wearing trunks just regular shorts. The water splashes up to the hem. I might as well have gone all the way in. Every now and then, I see a dolphin jump on the horizon. The ebbing waves pull the sand out from under my feet, I readjust my footing every few seconds. The water still gets deeper as my weight pushes me down. My shorts get more wet. There is a bug bite on the top of my foot that burns in the salt water. It feels like the sun never moves, although I stand here for going on an hour, until it finally dips below the horizon. I watch a disturbingly large, creepy fish swim by, its translucent yellow fins poking above the water. I can't see much of it aside from the size and the texture of the fins, which remind me of like, a shark? But it doesn't look like a shark to me aside from that. A family plays with their baby directly in front of it. They don't notice.
I realize, once I turn around and exit the water, that actually it wasn't my weight pushing me down. I had simply been standing there so long that the tide rose around me.
I walk down the beach a ways, and meet up with a great blue heron. I watch him for a minute, and then head on my way. He follows, and keeps almost perfect step with me. I welcome his company, walking on the beach together as the sky turns black. I enjoy our evening together.
8.28.24
Experiencing what I would call a severe storm. Downpouring sheets of water, might as well be a shower head if you ask me. The rain is LOUD. my legs are soaked from standing where the splashing on the pavement can reach me. Incredible wind, hard to open the front door. The thunder is loud, long, and constant.
If the storm could talk it would say "what are you still doing out here, idiot? Go inside."
8.27.24
Sitting outside at 3:25 getting ready to go to the beach. A giant black and yellow butterfly flits by as I think about how the devil stole my lover.
I go swim in the ocean in Florida for the first time in my life. It is thick, salty, and warm. Basically body temperature. It offers little to no relief from the hot summer air. I heard on the radio that the heat index was 105.
The ocean here is soft, and gentle, and whispers "it’s okay… I won'-t hurt you," as it lulls me deeper in. It never gets too deep, about waist deep on me and I’m pretty short. I get on my knees and sway in the gentle waves. A stark contrast to my cold, strong, rugged ocean at home, that screams "leave me alone!" (Unless you catch her on a good day. In which case, you may get a lovely couple hours in the after noon.
It reminds me of amniotic fluid, and it is what I imagine it's like to be a fetus. I suppose I am like a fetus again right now, as I float in the timeless, spaceless, thick, warm voice, and wait for my new life to finish loading.
I get out of the water, the air is the same temperature but there is a gentle breeze that cools my skin. I sit and wait until I see lightning over the ocean, then I go home.
I see my first parakeet on this trip on my way home. In the last trip, I saw many pairs all over the city. This time I haven’t seen any, just the one, alone.
8.25.24
Went to see Buju Banton at Amalie theater in Tampa tonight. My treat for taking care of my gramma. I park on the 8th floor of a parking garage about half a mile away and smoke a joint before I head over. I look out over the city. It is parking lots, with a few skyscrapers covered in reflective blue glass windows, segmented by the longest straightest road you've ever seen. I can see clear across the peninsula from here.
Upon reflection I should have maybe waited a little longer and smoked the second joint, I always get to these things way too early. This place is also huge, the biggest stadium I've ever been in. The stairs are dangerously steep and climb higher than I ever could imagine. Fill these rows of seats with drunk dancing people, some fifty feet in the air, I'm surprised there are not more accidents (I will be incredibly careful.) Heights make me incredibly nervous, both the parking garage and the stadium seats. My brain is able to conjure incredibly realistic images of what would happen should I fall.
I am often reflecting on the reality of tarots insight these days. My now former lover has always been designated as "the devil" by my deck but I interpreted it in the way only a love blind fool could.
8.24.24
Crystal clear skies today. Hot bright sun. Tried to sit outside and i was more than a translucent onion. Had me feeling like those Italian sausages on the grill in John Prine's "Lake Marie". SSSSSSSSIZZLIN. So i sit on the pavement for a smoke. Hurts my butt bruise less.
My gramma tells me her neighbor works in the pool noodle and styrofoam cooler factory and they don't give them AC. She says "it’s because the machines are so hot it won’t do anything". I can only imagine how torturously hot it is in there, in the Tampa august heat. My gramma says her friend is always cold everywhere she goes.
I go for a walk at the park all the way around the lake. I add 5 species to my life list. Reddish egret, green heron, tricolor heron, black crowned night heron, and florida scrub jays.
The herons were all doing typical heron things. I meet them standing in shallow water. The reddish egret, green heron, and tricolor heron were all in the same area; wading in shallow water. There I also see least sandpipers (?) walking along the top of the like, yucky brown pond plants that are thick in the Florida swamps. The part I am in is "technically" the Everglades.
8.23.24
Rained ALLL day yesterday. Slipped going down the stairs taking my gramma to the doctors. Got a big bruise but im fine. Glad i went first and it was me and not my gramma.
Today it is HOT and BRIGHT. I like it. My phone says 90* around noon. I like sitting in the sun, I feel like a sizzling onion. Perhaps in some butter, with fresh crushed garlic, thyme, and pepper. I sit in the sun until I am translucent and fragrant. I see a rabbit scamper by, smaller than the other one I saw. I watch a tiny lizard eat ants. A bald eagle flies overhead, I think of my Papa. When I go inside, an orange butterfly flies by.
I go to the park by my grammas house in the afternoon. It is still hot but there is a nice cool breeze now. I watch an anhinga surface from the river with a fish speared on its beak.
jays picks : songs i like right now (CLICK THE WORDS TO LISTEN ON YOUTUBE)
mojo pin - jeff buckley . like a stone - audioslave . nothing but the rain - townes van zandt. blue umbrella - john prine